Being Honest…

…Per chance to tell the truth.

If I’m being honest, I’m currently only friends with a certain person because I feel I have to be friends with that person.

I have very few “in real life” friends I do things with in person. Many don’t live close to me and our activities are limited to a few times a year. Don’t get me wrong; I value those interactions because my focus is on the person and the time together means a lot.

However, I have a few friends who live near and I try to be a participant in the friendship but … sometimes I just don’t want to.

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The Business Of Dying…

…And all the times we pay the price.

Someone posted something about how you might feel insignificant in the world but listed the ways in which you are not.

But I don’t think it’s true – and this isn’t a plea for people to tell me it’s true – but I don’t think people think of me when…
I really feel it wouldn’t matter if I just didn’t show up.

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Looking In…

…But never seeing out again.

With me, everything is “Private” – Private to the point I don’t share when I am in serious need of outside help, understanding or advice. I don’t even share when I’m in pain, because… you guessed it… it’s “private”.

I don’t share readily – the one person I share the most with is my boyfriend and even he feels I’m closed up half the time. He doesn’t press me… He knows I’ll share, eventually… partly. I think he knows I never share completely, and I justify it as ‘reasons’, but really… “private”. He knows how I am. Clearly he’s accepted it. (We don’t share a household. I would have to be far more open in that circumstance because I would have to be.)

As I told him today, one of the reasons I am so ‘closed’ is, his is the only opinion that matters. I don’t want him to know when I have trouble because I don’t want it to alter his opinion of me. I should know better than to think it does, but that’s the way I feel about it.

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Growing Up…

…All over again.

So, I am sure I haven’t mentioned it because well, basically I’ve been avoiding everything in life since that time, but I had a catastrophic event happen in October 2016 – I was standing in a mall in San Antonio, Texas attempting to use an ATM to buy what turned out to be a horrible breakfast. Seriously, even the coffee was bad; but it seems like it was indicative of what was to come.

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