Advice…

..asked for, not taken.

Sometimes, we are hamsters on exercise wheels that we have put ourselves on.

There comes a point in time you have to cut through the muck. Plain and simple, that’s what it comes down to.

I have, in some ways, lost a bit of my patience in recent years.
Now, granted, I have always been told I was, indeed, a patient person. However, as I have gotten older, I have “lost the time” for certain things. In fact, a phrase I say a lot anymore is “I am too old for [that].” I say that not in the sense that I *am* too old (I am NOT! There is a lot of life left in these years), but rather in the sense of… I have evolved past a certain point of conflict and struggle.

What am I too old for?
Compromise – in what I want in my life or in my relationships. I deserve to be happy. Of course, I know that every relationship comes with compromise, but that isn’t what I mean by compromise – I am not giving up my happiness or what I want solely to be with another person.

I am too old to go without creature comforts. There comes a point in your life where you have nothing to prove and it’s OK to sit down and watch your cable TV in air conditioning. (really, it is. What are you working for or toward if not THAT?; the moment when you can *stop* and enjoy the fruits of labor?)

I am also too old to have a wounded ego that need to be coddled like a 3 minute egg. In that spirit, I am too old to coddle someone else with a wounded ego. There comes a point where you have to be responsible for your own happiness (NOT dependent on another person to give it to you, create it for you or justify it) and you have to be realistic in your happiness. I say this not in a sense that one should deny happiness or limit it, no. I say this in a different sense: If you have a broken down car that you believe will make you happy to see it run, however after many attempts and repair and fueling this vehicle, it still doesn’t run and that upsets you or makes you feel miserable, you might have to re-assess the situation and see if it will truly make you happy to see it run or if you are just trying, at that point, just to defeat misery.

This comes on the heels of yet another person asking for advice – apparently, I can give it well and make a lot of sense… but that sense may not so much be coming from me, perhaps it is only made if you are willing to open your mind to a perspective different from your currently way of thinking.

If you ask for advice honestly, you should be open to learning from the other person, even if you feel their method is inappropriate for you. Is not there still value to be gained?
I have noticed recently I am being asked for advice and giving perfectly reasonable advice, sometimes the only obvious choice advice, and being told I am *wrong* and the person justifying, maybe even arguing their point, trying to get me to agree with them and tell them what they want to hear.
Just today, someone asked me what to do with their weekend, because they “can’t” go to a certain place, because the EX will be there. I gave the person my advice, alternatives. Every alternative I presented was meet with a list of reason why it “can’t” be, what is wrong with that suggestion. Why? Because the suggestion was not what they wanted to hear. I am sorry, while I can not magically bend that person’s freewill to prevent them from going, I can give you reasonable alternative (that would be NEW to do; added adventure!).

Nope, still my suggestions were wrong. I “don’t understand”, and don’t you love it when someone asks for advice and then pulls that line?

Fact is, I do understand. I understand clearly: That person wants justification. That person wants to hear me strip the ex’s rights and somehow tell them how to get him not to show up so SHE can go
I am also “too old” to be asked for advice/my opinion only to be told I am wrong. She wants to be RIGHT and wants to get to do what she wants to do, unimpeded. AND, in asking, she is seeking support and justification for that.

The way I see it, the answer is very simple: Either she go to the place she desires and puts up with the fact her ex is there, but act like a grownup and just DEAL with it. Or, she can elsewhere, have a good time and not worry about what is going on at the other place.

That would make too much sense. She wanted him to disappear somehow so she can have her way, what she wants. I have noticed some people are like that in that they aren’t really asking for honest advice; just just are asking you to tell them what they want to hear.

We can’t control everything. We certainly can’t control other people’s responses/reactions.
We can’t bend things to our own will. Sometimes, we just need to let go and let things happen, or maybe find another way…

I don’t know why we sometimes tend to needlessly complicate it and continue to spin the wheel, rather than just let go and enjoy the ride.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s