Trying Too Hard…

…and not enough.

I am left wondering why some people I see, “from the outside” (the way social media allows us to look in), are so hostile toward somethings. One of these things is Christmas, or really, religion in general but that is a different story for a different time (however, I will just say this, if you just don’t believe, fine – don’t believe. Trying to force your disbelief and trying to disprove is no different than what they claim religious people do to them – but somehow it is “ok” to force-feed disbelief? I don’t think so. All I am saying is there comes a point where I have to ask “who are you trying to convince; them or yourself?”).

Back on Christmas.
We are all adults here, right? Continue reading

Open Secrets…

…and the heart I wear on my sleeve.

I am not a good liar.
I am not.
Oh sure.. Sitting here behind a computer screen, I can tell you anything.
However, in that moment, when I get asked something…. the truth just comes out. Even in a situation I WANT to lie or change the truth enough to be anonymous. I can’t do it. I am not good at that on the spot creativity, if you will.
Examples? Sure. I got a phone call from a survey taker. I would have preferred to not to tell the whole truth of the household, my age, marital status (that’s just security, right?) – but when asked my birthyear, that quick thinking failed me and the truth tumbled out.
The same thing happens with plane rides; I enter the plane hoping to put an imaginary wall between me and the person next to me. No. The real me tumbles out.

It isn’t that I choose to be dishonest. I do not. I am a very honest person and frankly, honesty is always easier. It just is. With honesty, there is nothing to remember. However, I am a highly sensitive person. I tend to be the sort people lay their problems on, or try to manipulate or I easily get involved with things that aren’t “mine”. I tend to care too much. So, really, attempting to keep people at arms-length really is a sort of self preservation.
However, I fail at it. (OBVIOUSLY)

So when you are honest, and highly sensitive, and suffer from empathy (and I do say suffer from, it can be a blessing, but it is also an affliction), you internalize…. a lot. You also tend to value your alone time.

One place I find alone time is on my yoga mat. However, being alone doesn’t mean you still are free to just LET GO. No, it means you are trapped alone with your brain and your emotions, and all the things that just wont quit. Thankfully, over time, I also have learned to also find freedom on the yoga mat. Continue reading