…It is sometimes sad, but it is always necessary.
You know, perhaps the biggest insult you can give to someone is that they just don’t matter in your life.
Maybe. Maybe there is one beyond that:
There were a few people who have hurt me deeply. I am past looking back at the good times fondly and experiencing a softening toward these persons (I realize in time I will be able too look back at those good times without so much of the unwanted sentiment). I don’t have to forgive or welcome someone back just because there is good in our shared history.
I have opted to actively not think about certain people. It is a way of preservation, to not let them back in, to not soften toward them. Sometimes, the doors we shut are meant to stay shut.
Today one of these people crept in, and I thought “wow, I can’t wait for the day you leave my memory totally.” I say this in the sense that one day the day will come that I can remember the good times but it will be with almost faceless participants, because the other players simply don’t matter anymore, they will just cease to “be there” in my memory. I don’t want them there fondly or in softness, I just want them gone… but still wish to preserve my own memory of events, for me (because they are partly mine).
Perhaps that is truly the bigger insult.
I have learned from the manipulation and lies and I do not wish to forget what I learned. In this situation I speak of it was particularly hard given that one of the persons was such a large, significant and intimate part of my personal history. However, the expulsion was not my choice but merely the result of their own actions (mandating it necessary). Really, if I was good at playing the victim, I would say that person stole my memories from me and the part of my future I saw them in. I can not say that though, I have to accept my own choice. I can not blame someone else for what is ultimately a choice I made, regardless of the reasons I made said choice (I could have opted to accept their actions).
Time has a way of making things, even the deepest of things, not matter the same way, if at all.
It is just really sort of sad that time can make a PERSON not matter, but again… Sometimes it is necessary.
Seasons change and trees grow.
So must we.