…or at least fund this crowdsource.
I saw an article today that defined someone today as “deserving” for, really, the act of being a decent human being.
A crowdsourcing campaign was set up to fund something for this person just for publicly helping someone else out.
Just because you shovel the sidewalk for someone else, doesn’t mean the world owes you $300,000.
Every time I remove snow, I do not only my own, but the house to each side of my own, sometimes further. I don’t do this because I am some hero. I don’t do this because I am looking for accolades. I do it because I like shoveling snow and I am nice and it is nice for the people who have to use the sidewalk. It is because I am civilized and we live in a society and we are supposed to do for each other, that’s the deal.
(When in society did we start rewarding the mundane? When we do that, what becomes of the extraordinary? I suppose it becomes unbelievable; unwanted and by the wayside. I guess it’s easier to yell “PHOTOSHOP” than accept and be happy that someone could (dare) shine brighter than we do.)
This post is going to deal, initially, with money, but that isn’t really what it’s about. Money, as per usual with me, is merely a metaphor. This is a bit of a free-style personal rant, I guess…
I get a bit annoyed by constantly being asked to fund things for other people. Sometimes, yes… I can see where it is appropriate to ask, necessary to give (I never have a problem helping with true need or a good cause). However… the crowd-funding trend where some member of the family was randomly sick (undisclosed illness) and the family *needed* $70,000 to heat their home for the winter (4 months) – WHAT? Excuse me? I thought you lived in a 1200sq.ft. home, not a shopping mall. OR… oh and this is my favorite… “WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!” (good for you! Congrats!) – “We NEED $300,000 for our honeymoon! Send us to Hawaii!!!!!!!” – Excuse me… hate to sound like a bitch here, oh wait… no I don’t.
Hawaii may be expensive but it doesn’t cost that much… second of all, if you have that sort of funding, couldn’t you be a BIT more creative with your honeymoon choice? Seriously. Also… um, I am going out on a limb here but…. if you can’t afford that honeymoon, maybe you don’t deserve it. How is it randomly some strangers responsibly to fulfill that for you, because I MIGHT happen to be internet friends with the friend of your cousin’s sister-in-law? And by the way, would you also, in kind contribute to my vacation fund? (oh.. thought not, but then… I have pride… and a sense of dignity, and never wanted something for nothing. I wouldn’t ask to begin with).
Also, HATE to sound like the boring old person BUT… I am. If you get something that grand given to you so early in your marriage, or start your marriage in debt because you have this grand notion you *deserve* something magical, you are going to be very disillusioned quickly… and not appreciate what you DO have as a foundation. Marriage isn’t magical. There is not a White Knight who sweeps you off your feet and takes you to a palace where he loves you forever and everything works out… it’s HARD work, where you work together – do what you can afford, and work to build something — you’ll appreciate it more. (Don’t want my marriage advice? Don’t ask me for money to fund it… sorta really don’t get one without the other… sorry.)
I don’t ask… because I don’t take.
I have come to believe that the squeaky wheel indeed gets the grease…
I’ve noticed some people ask for everything and get it. It becomes a little annoying when I see that 4 months out of 6 a person asking for something they NEED TO LIVE, and using their kids to do it – from food to a phone bill to rent… and the same people are supporting them… and they keep asking and getting. That isn’t teaching a man to fish, it’s just giving him free fish, over and over and over… I personally just don’t want to be that person. I also don’t like continually being asked as if I am somehow obligated. And do not dangle your children too make me feel guilty; they are not my responsibility. I resent when people do that. It really makes me look down on them.
I do not ask… but when I need, often it’s met with… well people have told me they don’t know how to handle it. It becomes a cycle… I don’t ask, I do for myself, people think I am strong, so I am strong, so when I need something, “oh she’s strong, she can handle it” – It’s almost a self defeating pattern, one where the ‘victim’ (for lack of a better term) gets blamed, because when I break, when I can’t handle it, I get told I was impossible to help, I was inapproachable, I was intimidating (in my strength). However, sometimes the words needed to ask are the hardest ones to say… especially when you are the giver, not the taker…. When you’ve always given much more than you’ve taken.
Sometimes, when you are the giver, you don’t even really know how to take.
Sometimes, taking (getting) can be overwhelming… almost painful, in fact, painful.
…And yet, we’re told it is those who ask are the ones who receive.
Somewhere, there must be a balance.
Then there’s the flip side of that coin…
There’s the person who may actually be deserving and in need, right? Something amazing and wonderful comes along and people come together and pool together for this person. It’s overwhelming and beautiful, it warms your soul.
Though sometimes, that person faces an unexpected backlash.
They get this deserved out-pour and then go back to their life, but then the people who were never around all come around with their hands out… as if they somehow expect something, feel deserving of the perceived windfall, for having done nothing.
I guess that’s where I am confused by people’s motivations.
I never once wanted something that wasn’t mine. I’ve had people find fortune around me and I have been happy for them. Honestly happy. I love seeing other people find fortune and success. I get a true joy from it.
Sometimes, however, I feel alone in that. Logically, I know I am not, but sometimes, life just feels that way. Some people can not seem to find joy in an other person’s fortune. There’s always a snide remark, or a downside or negative belief regarding the situation.
Maybe that person down the street who won the lottery just got lucky, and maybe you should be happy that fortune chose to shine so close to you rather than scheming to see how you can take a part of it, or how it is *owed* to you, because “that’s my neighbor” (even if you never even waved hello, not even once). You don’t win by proxy, you don’t get things by association…. why would anyone even expect it? I don’t understand that.
I guess I am just a little overwhelmed right now, and a little sad.
This does go back to my last post, directly. Someone said to me that “The angels leave us alone so we learn how to stand our own and realize how strong we are.” – Sorry, I am calling bullshit on this one.
I always felt the presence of the angels when things were well… I felt strong and even seen what might be called the divine.
However… it has been when I felt there was nothing left, I felt alone (not carried, so let’s not quote it…)
I think there’s a difference between letting us alone to learn and flat out abandoning us. I’ve more than once reminded God that I believe but sometimes I must truly wonder if that belief is returned.
I’ve never once ignored the concept of the divine. I never asked for the easy out… I never even asked to lean, except for when I realized I truly couldn’t stand, hence feeling let down when I fell.
I’ve never once lost my gratitude. I may have gotten a lot but I have given more (even when it’s been taken… I’ve let it go).
I wouldn’t let out a primal scream if it wasn’t indeed, primal.
Why would you choose to fly away when I need you most?