…And other things that do not change over time.
So often in life we see things in hindsight, but once in a while you get to watch something in real time. I like to think that when we have those instances, when we see what’s going on as it is unfolding, when we are aware of the manipulations, we learn from them – however, that isn’t always the truth or the way things work out.
I’m currently in one such situation, however, I like to think I am learning from it…
…I guess time will tell on that one. I am not one to complain. When things are amiss in my life, I generally deal with it, suffer in silence if you will. Sometimes, I wonder if that’s the best course of action. You see, one instance is pain. I have pain, chronic and real, verifiable and visual. The fact of the matter is, I do not see value in vocalizing every ache, of complaining over every pain. It really serves no one. I am of the mind you just deal with it, get on with it. Even in the moments the pains of living truly interfere with life, the best course is just to stop, rest as needed and work to heal as best you can.
I keep my mind on the fact that what I suffer is not that bad and some people have it way worse than I – I appreciate the fact I CAN recoup; not everyone has that luxury.
I look at life in gratitude; I try to find the good in situations and I truly do believe, to a large extent, we create our reality. I choose to create mine with the positive.
The more you draw on the good, the more good comes to you and higher, I feel, your vibration is. Good radiates good. It really is as simple as that. When you vibrate in happiness and peace, you start to get bothered by things that interfere with it – the negativity becomes static that buzzes around you and pulls you down.
I am dealing with one such situation now. I don’t want to be a hypocrite, so I will try not to complain too much, however I must share some in the interest of making my point. Also, I am not going to give too much detail, because I feel to do so would be to dwell and also, even unintentionally, feed the situation.
It could be said there is a value in the occasional complaint – and this was brought to my attention in reference to my (physical) pain. If you are forever stoic, no one ever knows if you suffer. If you never give it voice, people assume you never have the problem. Perhaps, there’s a degree of self-preservation that comes in from the occasional vocalization – perhaps that is what the intent of this post is…
(I am not sure, I come here to just type – I sometimes don’t know the point of my posts when I start – I write because I want to share, but I simultaneously don’t want to “give too much away” – this is a dichotomy that extends through much of my life, truth be told.)
So, I am currently in a situation where there is someone in my life who is very much the opposite of me in their outlook on life. This person is quite negative and always expects the worse possible scenario. Consequently, bad situations often find this person. It is my opinion this person walks around with a proverbial “storm cloud” around them, always picking *the black marble* if you will.
I do my best to try to block as much of this person’s vibe as I can however, I can not sever the relationship wholly. I am simply unable to do that. When I am around this person, because I am all hippy-dippy positive and happy in my positivity, they tend to weigh me down… it is a low-level buzzing, static as I said. It makes me irritable, it makes me feel ‘off’ –
Now, I breathe, I repeat a mantra, I rant a little, I have some wine – I put my bare feet to the ground to counter the negativity. I ground myself; I practice gratitude, I remind myself what is good in my life, what I am happy about in this life. I seek my joy. HOWEVER, it is a chore when someone around you is working so actively to create dissension.
You see, once you are happy and you find good in things, it’s easy to keep doing that – but, it is sometimes a challenge to get there – you have to decide you want the good, you want to FIND THE GOOD because it’s worth having. To be negative is easy, it feeds itself. A good and positive attitude is like love, isn’t it? Where as a bad and negative attitude is like hate. Love will always triumph over hate, eventually – hate can take a strong foothold and do a lot of damage before the love washes over. It seems a LOT easier to feed hate, it gains momentum. It’s work sometimes to stay on the positive side – after all, misery loves company, doesn’t it? However, Love radiates. Once you set a path, well, you don’t have to FEED love, love just radiates and multiples – I think this is also true of a positive attitude verses a negative one – I mean, in all I am saying here you can replace love with a positive attitude and hate with a negative attitude and, my point still works.
So on that, when I am confronted with the negative, it’s generally pretty easy (now) for me to love my way through it – to remind myself of the good and to seek it – to counter the negative and wash it away.
That is, it’s pretty easy when the negative comes in slight ways I have to deflect – it’s easy to brush off a negative interaction or a single unfortunate circumstance. HOWEVER, when you have someone around you who can NEVER seem to find a decent moment, who honestly feels persecuted and as if the world is out to get them…. it wears on you. It pulls you down and it goes beyond a meditation or glass of wine or feet on the ground to fix that…
… it becomes more like a bottle of red, a wailing prayer and a veritable pulling the moon down to press you into the Earth!
Ok, I kid.. somewhat.
That is where I find myself right now.
I know this person is not going to change and suddenly become enlightened, happy, peaceful – however you want to term it. I know that I can not counter it because this person doesn’t want it countered. I know I can not fix it, for every time I offer a solution, there is a problem with the solution – a reason it wont work. This person is content to find misery.
It occurs to me, why wouldn’t that person be as such? They tell stories through their distorted perspective and get sympathy. When everything is wrong, when there’s always a crisis, the attention and focus is on them.
It is validation and attention – oh it’s negative in nature and people don’t always feel about you the way you’d wish for them to, however it is attention and focus and in that moment, I am sure you feel validated. I can only imagine when you feel something is lacking in your life, it fills a void. Quite literally, it is a case of the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
When you are opposite of that way, it could be said you are left feeling neglected in a way. However, when you are the opposite of that, you do not need the validation anyway (still, it is easy to get overlooked sometimes when maybe you should not be…).
The other problem is, when someone seeks so much drama, it permeates everything else. I mean, it has gotten to the point of I am with other people, out to dinner and the discussion turns to this person, or they call, or some new trauma erupts in their life and it needs attention, NOW. It feels, at times, you can’t have a normal discussion without THAT PERSON taking center stage, even if they are not present at the time. I mean, you can recognize it and say NO and not allow it to take over, but it’s like a bad penny, it has a way of turning back up…
Trauma to trauma – and theirs is always grander – you aren’t going to ‘win’, but the thing is, it isn’t a competition, no matter how much someone tries to make it one.
For me, because I can not remove myself from this situation at this time and it is near constant, it is very draining. It becomes work to stay positive and happy – and it never should be. No, let me rephrase – it’s not so much work, it’s just I have to put up more armor to deflect the negative and the bad luck (circumstances) that emanates from it.
I would much rather extend my energy in a more positive way.
I wonder if it isn’t an issue of “personal responsibility”, an issue I am very big on. I mean, it seems to me that the persons with the constant bad luck and constant tragic situations also always have someone to blame – someone is out to get them, someone didn’t do something right and it is causing THEM a problem, someone else should have done something…
…maybe the answer is to accept responsibility, accept reasonable solutions and work on fixing what is wrong for yourself (and perhaps IN yourself).
No, everything in life isn’t always our own fault – there are circumstances that happen beyond our control – this is true. However, the reverse is also true; it also is not always someone else’s fault either and we are supposed to learn from situations and not repeat them over and over and over again and again.