…Or, lessons that humans failed to learn.
A few days ago, someone said something to me that crept back into my thoughts today. I mentioned someone who is a friend of that person’s, who used to be a friend of mine. She, (the friend in common), said she thinks the person (former friend) was a victim of spousal abuse, of sorts. I will concede his partner is a bit… perhaps that may be true considering the woman that is his partner.
I thought about this conversation again today. It’s funny what brought it up… I was listening to 80’s music – A obscure female-lead group at that, which made me think of the person in question (the former friend), when the comment the friend in common said about him came to mind.
Perhaps he was a bit brainwashed by the relationship, maybe he was even the victim of abuse. I can not say. What I can say is there comes a point where, regardless of our actions, we are eventually supposed to, as adults, take responsibility for them.
Being brainwashed and being abused is a call to do better, especially if you “wake up” from it. It IS NOT an excuse to be cruel to someone else. This former friend, and his partner/through his partner, perpetrated acts of cruelty upon me. If you treat someone abusively as the result of your abuse, that isn’t an excuse… that just means you’ve become a bully.
The irony of it is…. the abuse they shared toward me, was wrong. Oh, I knew it at the time it was just passive aggressive bullshit and a manifestation of their own insecurities – People will always accuse you of what is true in them selves – and it was evident in all the areas they attacked me.
What I mean by wrong is… Time has justified me. The belittling, the attempted manipulation of me and attempted brainwashing was just attempts at making me question what I knew was right.
Because, when you choose a path that is unconventional, when you choose a path that is against what someone else deems “right” or “normal” and you DARE find happiness with that, it makes others uncomfortable. It makes others uncomfortable to the point they may even attempt to do something to maim it or even destroy it.
However, that’s not the point…
…point is, abuse doesn’t afford you the right to perpetrate it upon another.
I am not even angry, the fact is…. I would prefer not to think of either the former friend or his partner. They, of their own making, are of that little value to me.
However, we don’t get to choose what memories surface.
It really is too bad sometimes that we can’t erase people from our memories – I would say I wouldn’t want to erase the experiences but to be honest, I don’t really feel, in this particular case, the experiences have much value – I wouldn’t miss them if they weren’t there.
We have experiences, we experience negative things because we are either meant to learn and grow from them or we are meant to be a teacher for someone else.
Sometimes, I don’t want to learn and I feel I’ve taught enough (even if it isn’t our choice to make).
Can I not just rest on my laurels for a while? I’m at the point in my life where I come to this blog space to let out the things I bottle in and I just want to be at that point of just being in my life, quietly.
You grow and surpass the bullshit, I just want the quiet and the peace (and mistake, if it is to be one) of my choices -I’m too old for high school games, and even if I am over it, the statement by the friend in common almost felt like a justification for the former friend’s behavior, whether or not it was and that, by the nature of it, stung a bit (as if justification somehow makes his behavior more acceptable – though I must clarify, I don’t feel that friend in common meant to justify anything and was only making an observation)
Shoo! I don’t want it… and there’s nothing left to learn on that front. I’ve earned that degree.