…It is you.
(…this time, it really is.)
I am the one who has to fill the silence. Without meaning to be, I fell into the roll of The Communicator. I guess I am a natural at communication. So much so that, while it is never something I set out to be true, it became what has defined me.
I AM a writer, I AM a broadcaster, I am the one who speaks, and then takes the words back in and analyzes them, long after other have forgotten they’ve been spoken.
People don’t always communicate the way you expect them to…
…I understand that.
However, because I know the weight of words, I am careful with them. I do not manipulate them, because I know how easy (and unfair) that is.
I speak my needs, when I have them, clearly.
So, when I say “I have a problem” that IS me reaching out, and I am pretty sure that is painfully clear.
I am not, nor is anyone else, obligated to alter communication skills for anyone else’s comfort (or style of communication)….
….however, my tactics are usually straight forward.
When I say “I have a problem”, it is not a time to reply with a cute response or fluff it off. That IS going to cut me…
…I won’t reach out twice.
People tell me I am hard to communicate with. No. I’m not I am an extremely clear communicator and tired of being blamed for others listening skills and self absorbed moments.
I have a bachelor’s of Science (NOT Arts) in specialised communication. I am so good at it, they created a degree (there’s a bit more to the degree but that’s the main point of it).
A degree, mind you, I never set to to get. It just happened.
I’m sadly used to people smacking my hand away when I reach out, and then (at least partially ) blaming me.
But I do not have to tolerate that. I am not tolerating it.
I am also not giving a second chances.
Once, I told my partner he was was lucky, because humans do not come with an instruction manual, but I do. If you listen to me, I WILL tell you exactly what I need, I WILL tell you exactly how to respond to me.
So, when people blame me for their screw ups, their self absorbed moments, I am fairly confident it isn’t me.
My ex-husband used to say “people will always accuse you of what is true in themselves”, and that is true.
I’ve always been a big advocate of “personal responsibility”, and I analyze what I put forward. However, when I am crystal clear, I can not take responsibility for someone else dismissing me and then blaming me, making themselves wronged, because they missed a direct hit. Not a veiled clue, but a direct statement.
So, I get accused of being a bad communicator. Perhaps I am just surrounded by people who are very poor listeners, too self absorbed to hear another’s needs.
In this case, it’s not me….
…it is “you”.
Am I always right? No. Of course not. Am I always the better communicator? No, of course not. Of course I mess up, of course I don’t always get it right…
…however, odds are often in my favor.
I have learned a long time ago that I am way too tolerant of manipulation perpetrated upon me, and way too indulgent of self absorbed behaviors and those areas are where I am at fault.
But please, don’t insult either of us by attempting to tell me I didn’t make my point.
I always make my point, I always get the last word in and then, in cat like fashion, I kick dirt over it before I walk away.
I will no longer carry the burden of a blame that isn’t mine out of some misguided perception I am offering a kindness (rather than calling someone out and embarrassing them).