…Or, the place we hear the screams the loudest…
…All the places we hear the screams.
People always say they care…
….And such a phrase is supposed to matter.
However, I’ve noticed the silence more than the shouting (especially when I am the one shouting).
I have said, on more than one occasion, on various social media, that I am not ok… that the place I am in currently is dark.
But it’s never my direct comment that’s noticed. It is always the accompanying photo or link that gets the credit or attention. The direct comment goes overlooked.
Then, I get accused of being too isolated, too closed off, too aloof.
However, it’s interesting to me that even when I directly ask for the help, say I need it, it’s unnoticed…
Or worse, possibly ignored.
This time, I wont take personal responsibility.
This time, maybe it isn’t (all) me.
Perhaps the reason I don’t readily ask for help is because the times I have, it has been met with my hand being smacked away…
…maybe I just learned to not reach out.
“Is it ok? Is it all ok?”
“No, but it is what it is.”
Some years ago, (I am sure I mentioned The Cat leaving me, but, some years ago, when The Cat left), it wrecked me. It was in that time I stopped saying I was “ok” when people asked, because I wasn’t. I learned not to give an answer for the sake of an other person’s comfort. If you can’t handle my truth, I’d rather you not ask. It isn’t my job, especially when I am hurting, to placate your emotions and absolve you of your responsibility/caring/guilt by pretending to be ok when I am not. If you do not wish for honesty, then do not ask out of obligation.
I am not ok, but I will be.
Because I always am.
Because I have no other option.
Because I go on.