Let Me In…

…Let me out.

Just so you know, I know.

I’ve always known.  I know what you did.
And, after I saw you, I know YOU know I know.
Your awkwardness and bee-line to be anywhere else, except in that space, told me everything I needed to know.
Your reaction showed me your guilt and your shame.
You wear it like your new skin, which really, is just shedding of your old skin
– your true skin,
Who you are underneath the stories and masks and pretense of goodness.
Decent people don’t wear virtue as a means to an end.
So quite pretending that’s a label you can wear
It’s haute couture to your thrift store design
I’ve never been so bold (or tacky) to directly ask.
I can’t even take when it’s given. I am so broken by experience I can’t trust what’s in front of me, what’s in the moment or even what I know to be good.

It Is In The Silence….

…Or, the place we hear the screams the loudest…
…All the places we hear the screams.

People always say they care…

….And such a phrase is supposed to matter.

However, I’ve noticed the silence more than the shouting (especially when I am the one shouting).

Continue reading

The Scariest Things…

..Are those which we hold inside.

I have had a lot of shit happen to me over my life – a lot of (maybe) negative shit that people sometimes say “I can’t believe that happened” – But, the truth is always stranger than fiction. Always.

I generally get over  (“find the good”), I have forgiven a LOT – I have forgiven things that would NEVER be on other people’s radar, ever (nor should they be).  I had a roof stolen.. no, seriously, ACTUALLY, let that sink in… I HAD A ROOF STOLEN – those are word that should ever be spoke, let alone be someone’s reality.
(I am sure, at some point, I did in fact write about this – I am not revisiting it now – if it exists, it’s likely under the ‘forgiveness’ tag) – this is not the current issue…

.. the issue is the thing I might hate you for….

….and I rarely use the term hate, and *never* lightly…

Continue reading

Officially Unoffical…

…Or, believe it as you will.

I sometimes think my posts are a lot of whining and bitching. Perhaps they are, maybe they are not. The fact of the matter is, I post here because it is anonymous and I post to sort things out in my head. I really don’t care for whining, or carrying on about things past – but sometimes you have to purge, sometimes you have to vent and work through things to be able to let things go.

This is my place to do it…

Continue reading

Eyes To See…

…And that which is obvious even to the sightless.

Recently, I had released emotions regurgitate, much like the overindulgence of a night meant to be forgotten.

Ideally, when we think thoughts (read “of people”) we would prefer to not think about, we’d like to switch to “off” and not even deal with it. In being human, however, it is never that easy.
The best of intentions and the best of conclusions still come with baggage.

Sometimes the thoughts creep in, regardless.

Continue reading

My Words Are For Myself…

…But I put them up to share them anyway.

Today’s words are a reminder to myself.
We do not get to choose each other’s fate.
It is that simple.

How easy it is, when we don’t care for someone,  to think we should have influence when we perceive they are at a point we feel we should be at.
They aren’t; they are where they should be.
Also, we aren’t missing out, we are following our own path.

However, that doesn’t mean we don’t get petty jealousies that creep in. Perhaps it’s best to acknowledge  it and let it pass, look inward and reflect and move on.

Sometimes, however, people think they are going to “enact” some sort of revenge upon another or we have nagging thoughts of “creating” justice…
…something like making a phone call to point someone in a direction of something they my have overlooked about said person, or whatever.

No. We do not get to choose justice. If we want out own lives to go unabated, we must let others as well.

Now, this does not mind people won’t chose to do negative or even evil this to you. But! That is on them and a reflection of who they are, not you….
…no matter what bad they may be able to pull from your past.

The main motivating should be the hope that should you leave others be, they too shall leave you be.

Granted, it doesn’t always work out as such, but one can only worry about one’s self.

On that note, a simple phrase keeps crossing my mind:
“What other people think of you is none of your business.”