Looking In…

…But never seeing out again.

With me, everything is “Private” – Private to the point I don’t share when I am in serious need of outside help, understanding or advice. I don’t even share when I’m in pain, because… you guessed it… it’s “private”.

I don’t share readily – the one person I share the most with is my boyfriend and even he feels I’m closed up half the time. He doesn’t press me… He knows I’ll share, eventually… partly. I think he knows I never share completely, and I justify it as ‘reasons’, but really… “private”. He knows how I am. Clearly he’s accepted it. (We don’t share a household. I would have to be far more open in that circumstance because I would have to be.)

As I told him today, one of the reasons I am so ‘closed’ is, his is the only opinion that matters. I don’t want him to know when I have trouble because I don’t want it to alter his opinion of me. I should know better than to think it does, but that’s the way I feel about it.

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Slow Yoga And Daddy Issues…

…Or, so-called personal short-comings…

So in yoga you learn to release your ego to gain your greater good. I think, sometimes, in our dealings with others, it is ego that gets in the way. Dealing with those who test us, teaches us… or so they say.

Maybe people test us so we can learn what bothers us about ourselves, rather it be a trait we have that we don’t wish to see amplified, or one we *wished* we possessed.

So, this brings me to the topic of today’s post…

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Officially Unoffical…

…Or, believe it as you will.

I sometimes think my posts are a lot of whining and bitching. Perhaps they are, maybe they are not. The fact of the matter is, I post here because it is anonymous and I post to sort things out in my head. I really don’t care for whining, or carrying on about things past – but sometimes you have to purge, sometimes you have to vent and work through things to be able to let things go.

This is my place to do it…

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Eyes To See…

…And that which is obvious even to the sightless.

Recently, I had released emotions regurgitate, much like the overindulgence of a night meant to be forgotten.

Ideally, when we think thoughts (read “of people”) we would prefer to not think about, we’d like to switch to “off” and not even deal with it. In being human, however, it is never that easy.
The best of intentions and the best of conclusions still come with baggage.

Sometimes the thoughts creep in, regardless.

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My Words Are For Myself…

…But I put them up to share them anyway.

Today’s words are a reminder to myself.
We do not get to choose each other’s fate.
It is that simple.

How easy it is, when we don’t care for someone,  to think we should have influence when we perceive they are at a point we feel we should be at.
They aren’t; they are where they should be.
Also, we aren’t missing out, we are following our own path.

However, that doesn’t mean we don’t get petty jealousies that creep in. Perhaps it’s best to acknowledge  it and let it pass, look inward and reflect and move on.

Sometimes, however, people think they are going to “enact” some sort of revenge upon another or we have nagging thoughts of “creating” justice…
…something like making a phone call to point someone in a direction of something they my have overlooked about said person, or whatever.

No. We do not get to choose justice. If we want out own lives to go unabated, we must let others as well.

Now, this does not mind people won’t chose to do negative or even evil this to you. But! That is on them and a reflection of who they are, not you….
…no matter what bad they may be able to pull from your past.

The main motivating should be the hope that should you leave others be, they too shall leave you be.

Granted, it doesn’t always work out as such, but one can only worry about one’s self.

On that note, a simple phrase keeps crossing my mind:
“What other people think of you is none of your business.”

Petrified Styrofoam…

…And other things that do not change over time.

So often in life we see things in hindsight, but once in a while you get to watch something in real time. I like to think that when we have those instances, when we see what’s going on as it is unfolding, when we are aware of the manipulations, we learn from them – however, that isn’t always the truth or the way things work out.

I’m currently in one such situation, however, I like to think I am learning from it…

…I guess time will tell on that one. Continue reading