The Scariest Things…

..Are those which we hold inside.

I have had a lot of shit happen to me over my life – a lot of (maybe) negative shit that people sometimes say “I can’t believe that happened” – But, the truth is always stranger than fiction. Always.

I generally get over  (“find the good”), I have forgiven a LOT – I have forgiven things that would NEVER be on other people’s radar, ever (nor should they be).  I had a roof stolen.. no, seriously, ACTUALLY, let that sink in… I HAD A ROOF STOLEN – those are word that should ever be spoke, let alone be someone’s reality.
(I am sure, at some point, I did in fact write about this – I am not revisiting it now – if it exists, it’s likely under the ‘forgiveness’ tag) – this is not the current issue…

.. the issue is the thing I might hate you for….

….and I rarely use the term hate, and *never* lightly…

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I think I’ve said it before…

…but it bears repeating.

Many years ago, someone told me I was unforgiving, that I didn’t forgive people.
That is not true. See, what I now know the issue to be is, HE was upset because I wasn’t blindly accepting his version of reality. I was not conforming to how HE felt I should respond.

I do forgive. I forgive quite readily.
However, I don’t *forget* what was done to me – no, things can not just go back to the way they were. It doesn’t work like that. A transgression had to have happened if there was a need for forgiveness anyway.
When something happens that warrants forgiveness, ideally the parties involved will resolve the situation, grow from it and improve the relationship so it wont happen again. Often, it damages the relationship, just a little bit (sometimes more), and especially when the party seeking forgiveness is prone to repeat the same or similar activities.

Saying I am sorry is not a band-aid to heal emotional hurts. Those words do not possess those magical properties. The person who called me unforgiving wanted forgiveness HIS way, for HIS comfort.

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To Forgive and Forget?

….Maybe.

Many years ago, someone told me I was unforgiving.

I am not unforgiving. In fact, if you know me you know I am very patient and tolerant and forgive more than I should.

The truth is, while I may heal, I don’t forget the wound existed. I can and do forgive acts perpetrated against me (even the malicious kind), quite easily and readily.

However, just because I forgive a situation, person or act doesn’t mean I am going to turn around like it never happened.
I forgive for *myself*, so I can walk in peace… NOT for the other person to have a clear conscious.

I can move past people, and if you’ve broken my trust I simply do not want to take the time to mend the bridge. Basically, I don’t wish you ill, nor well. You become something that just *is*, like emotional stasis.

Life is too short to worry about the hurts of the past or dwell on attempting to undo them (a futile task anyway).

Looking back, I think the person who told me I was unforgiving was doing so in a sort of manipulation: so I would just unquestionably accept bad acts. Because after something fairly major and damaging happened, I accepted the apology but I did not want to pick up where we left off (so because I didn’t resume the relationship as if nothing had happened, I was *unforgiving*) – That’s not how forgiveness works. I *can* forgive you AND not want to go back. It’s like that old saying; fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me.
I was just ready to be done, lesson learned.

*I am sorry* isn’t a magic eraser. (Clearly, I am not talking about small situations like “you took my pen without asking”. I am referring to the big kind, the sort that tear people apart and the sort that ruin reputations, or both). *I am sorry* is like putting polysporin on a cut; it doesn’t close the wound, but it may help it heal a bit.