Many years ago, someone told me I was unforgiving.
I am not unforgiving. In fact, if you know me you know I am very patient and tolerant and forgive more than I should.
The truth is, while I may heal, I don’t forget the wound existed. I can and do forgive acts perpetrated against me (even the malicious kind), quite easily and readily.
However, just because I forgive a situation, person or act doesn’t mean I am going to turn around like it never happened.
I forgive for *myself*, so I can walk in peace… NOT for the other person to have a clear conscious.
I can move past people, and if you’ve broken my trust I simply do not want to take the time to mend the bridge. Basically, I don’t wish you ill, nor well. You become something that just *is*, like emotional stasis.
Life is too short to worry about the hurts of the past or dwell on attempting to undo them (a futile task anyway).
Looking back, I think the person who told me I was unforgiving was doing so in a sort of manipulation: so I would just unquestionably accept bad acts. Because after something fairly major and damaging happened, I accepted the apology but I did not want to pick up where we left off (so because I didn’t resume the relationship as if nothing had happened, I was *unforgiving*) – That’s not how forgiveness works. I *can* forgive you AND not want to go back. It’s like that old saying; fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me.
I was just ready to be done, lesson learned.
*I am sorry* isn’t a magic eraser. (Clearly, I am not talking about small situations like “you took my pen without asking”. I am referring to the big kind, the sort that tear people apart and the sort that ruin reputations, or both). *I am sorry* is like putting polysporin on a cut; it doesn’t close the wound, but it may help it heal a bit.