The Scariest Things…

..Are those which we hold inside.

I have had a lot of shit happen to me over my life – a lot of (maybe) negative shit that people sometimes say “I can’t believe that happened” – But, the truth is always stranger than fiction. Always.

I generally get over  (“find the good”), I have forgiven a LOT – I have forgiven things that would NEVER be on other people’s radar, ever (nor should they be).  I had a roof stolen.. no, seriously, ACTUALLY, let that sink in… I HAD A ROOF STOLEN – those are word that should ever be spoke, let alone be someone’s reality.
(I am sure, at some point, I did in fact write about this – I am not revisiting it now – if it exists, it’s likely under the ‘forgiveness’ tag) – this is not the current issue…

.. the issue is the thing I might hate you for….

….and I rarely use the term hate, and *never* lightly…

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To Forgive and Forget?

….Maybe.

Many years ago, someone told me I was unforgiving.

I am not unforgiving. In fact, if you know me you know I am very patient and tolerant and forgive more than I should.

The truth is, while I may heal, I don’t forget the wound existed. I can and do forgive acts perpetrated against me (even the malicious kind), quite easily and readily.

However, just because I forgive a situation, person or act doesn’t mean I am going to turn around like it never happened.
I forgive for *myself*, so I can walk in peace… NOT for the other person to have a clear conscious.

I can move past people, and if you’ve broken my trust I simply do not want to take the time to mend the bridge. Basically, I don’t wish you ill, nor well. You become something that just *is*, like emotional stasis.

Life is too short to worry about the hurts of the past or dwell on attempting to undo them (a futile task anyway).

Looking back, I think the person who told me I was unforgiving was doing so in a sort of manipulation: so I would just unquestionably accept bad acts. Because after something fairly major and damaging happened, I accepted the apology but I did not want to pick up where we left off (so because I didn’t resume the relationship as if nothing had happened, I was *unforgiving*) – That’s not how forgiveness works. I *can* forgive you AND not want to go back. It’s like that old saying; fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me.
I was just ready to be done, lesson learned.

*I am sorry* isn’t a magic eraser. (Clearly, I am not talking about small situations like “you took my pen without asking”. I am referring to the big kind, the sort that tear people apart and the sort that ruin reputations, or both). *I am sorry* is like putting polysporin on a cut; it doesn’t close the wound, but it may help it heal a bit.