Could It Be I Actually Understand…

…Or is this just what lack of sleep looks like?

I had a bit of an early morning epiphany, of sorts.
Four a.m. can be a dangerous time…

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Officially Unoffical…

…Or, believe it as you will.

I sometimes think my posts are a lot of whining and bitching. Perhaps they are, maybe they are not. The fact of the matter is, I post here because it is anonymous and I post to sort things out in my head. I really don’t care for whining, or carrying on about things past – but sometimes you have to purge, sometimes you have to vent and work through things to be able to let things go.

This is my place to do it…

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The Race for Rats…

…and all the other ones I’ve lost.

Today, after a long time of being infirmed with my broken foot, I was able to go to yoga! It was a YIN class, which is a very passive class. However, that isn’t to say it is without it’s challenges, but it may be said it is less physically demanding (unless, of course, stillness and holding position is something you find demanding).

I was on my mat waiting for the class to begin when the woman next to me sipped her water and in doing so, got a mouthful of ice, which she proceeded to chew on. I got annoyed by it; I found myself rather very annoyed by it, actually. BUT, as I was laying in savasana, in my meditative state, it occurred to me I had no right to be annoyed by her. How selfish of me to be so annoyed; as if I have never chewed ice, right? She wasn’t doing anything *wrong*, and frankly, her crunching of said ice wasn’t that loud. It was a perfectly innocent, normal act. So I thought about why it bothered me, and it occurred to me, I wasn’t really annoyed with her. I was annoyed that I NOTICED the crunching of the ice as it disrupted my silence and more so, really, I was annoyed with myself for having forgotten my own bottle in the car.

I think we have moments like that often in life, where we just need to step back and consider a situation, then realize what we are actually thinking or feeling. I think so often we respond in a reactionary way, without truly realizing the source of our annoyances. Maybe our interactions truly are mirrors of ourselves, more often than we stop to realize.
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Ambient Light…

…And reality defused.

Sometimes we only see things in the dim light of our perception, and it is only when circumstance illuminates a situation that we see it in its glaring *true* light.

This post is probably going to be personal and therefor, probably cryptic. At any rate, I am sure it will also be long.
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A Long Cold Winter…

…and then time got away.

It’s been a while since I posted, and I did not mean to let that much time lapse.
The road to hell, right? Best intentions and all…
Life got in the way.

I didn’t mean to neglect here, I do have so much to say – so much I want to share behind my anonymous piece of the web…

… I have so many updates half written!
By the time I remember to write, the day is gone.

I owe it to myself, and to those of you who peek in, to be more diligent.

The hour has grown late, too late for me to commit to a proper post…. but I can commit to a promise of one soon.
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Trying Too Hard…

…and not enough.

I am left wondering why some people I see, “from the outside” (the way social media allows us to look in), are so hostile toward somethings. One of these things is Christmas, or really, religion in general but that is a different story for a different time (however, I will just say this, if you just don’t believe, fine – don’t believe. Trying to force your disbelief and trying to disprove is no different than what they claim religious people do to them – but somehow it is “ok” to force-feed disbelief? I don’t think so. All I am saying is there comes a point where I have to ask “who are you trying to convince; them or yourself?”).

Back on Christmas.
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Sometimes, You Have To Believe…

…Or at least suspend your disbelief.

The other day, I was reading something on the internet that featured a photograph. The photo happened to be of one of the black sand beaches in Iceland, with large chunks of ice on the beach.
(The photo in question was similar to this one here, which is (obviously) not my personal photo.)

Under the article, of course, there were comments, and many of the comments turned to the *issue* of the photograph (which, really, was secondary to the point of the article). There were a lot of people who were *justifying* the photo, either by saying "photoshop!" or that it was a negative of the original (and that the sand was actually white and those were rocks).

People who've perhaps have never been outside their own sphere?
I have been to Iceland. I have seen such beaches. What's more, when in Iceland, I was willing to suspend my disbelief and enjoy, "be local" and just for a minute believe in elves and fairies and "hidden people." Why? Because it is FUN, it is FUN to believe in the (seemingly) impossible, because there by… anything is possible …and you don’t limit yourself. Because, maybe I do not know everything, and there are things that may only be possible if we are open to them being possible.
(Let’s put this is perspective as to where I am coming from; I have written on this before, here.)
– Perhaps, some may say this makes me a little delusional, but I really do not mind. It makes me happy, it makes me possible.

However, I get very frustrated with that attitude of instant disbelief, of deniability.
That constant *search* for something logical, or just a ‘show me’ approach. Such an attitude leads to viewpoint where if you don’t believe it possible, it can’t exist.
My nephew is a good one for this. When I show him things, photos, even those taken long before the program was at everyone’s fingertips, he says “Photoshopped!”, even when it is not. It drives me mad.

Why is there a whole segment of the population that does this? I do not know.
Look, I am not saying you HAVE to believe in fairies and falling stars, but isn’t there a happy in-between?
We live in an instant culture, there is very little delayed gratification and so much instant gratification.

Remember waiting, Saving and earning… and affording your life?
Not beyond our means with credit cards that keep stretching.
When you saved for something and it had *value* to you.
A time before a discount mass-retailer made the 52in flatscreen available, on clearance, for $299, and we trampled each other to get there.
When it was ok to not have the absolute newest of everything.
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