Let Me In…

…Let me out.

Just so you know, I know.

I’ve always known.  I know what you did.
And, after I saw you, I know YOU know I know.
Brilliant.
Your awkwardness and bee-line to be anywhere else, except in that space, told me everything I needed to know.
Your reaction showed me your guilt and your shame.
You wear it like your new skin, which really, is just shedding of your old skin
– your true skin,
Who you are underneath the stories and masks and pretense of goodness.
Decent people don’t wear virtue as a means to an end.
So quite pretending that’s a label you can wear
It’s haute couture to your thrift store design and I’ve never been so bold (or tacky) to directly ask.
I can’t even take when it’s given. 
I am so broken by experience I can’t trust what’s in front of me, what’s in the moment or even what I know to be good.
Advertisements

It Is In The Silence….

…Or, the place we hear the screams the loudest…
…All the places we hear the screams.

People always say they care…

….And such a phrase is supposed to matter.

However, I’ve noticed the silence more than the shouting (especially when I am the one shouting).

Continue reading

“Prep is 85% of the work…”

….And the magic is in the make-up.

I sat on the subway on my late night ride home. At a stop, a young man got on dressed very “goth”, in the androgynous nature of the goth culture, all black everything and a full face of beautiful make-up.
He stood across from an older man, clearly blue collar and looking a little gruff, a painter in painters pants, et al.

The younger man had a NYX (makeup brand, new boutiques here) backpack, while the older man had a Dulux (room/house paint brand) one.
Between them existed an age gap as wide as I am old (some 40 years).

The older gentleman asked the younger “testing colours?”, referring to the marks of make-up on the back of his hand.

This inquiry sparked a conversation between the two, each speaking of their concept of “paint”; actual painting verses make-up (let it be known that drag queens often refer to their make-up as paint, as have some major designers in the make-up world). In the discussion, they found familiar ground, each excitedly stating their case and adding to the other’s points.

I did nothing but smile.

RIGHT THERE, People, right there! BOOM! It IS that simple.

We are all the same beneath our layers.
We all want to express ourselves and have our craft appreciated.

Incidentally, the one invited the other for a drink to discuss further and they exited together.

Officially Unoffical…

…Or, believe it as you will.

I sometimes think my posts are a lot of whining and bitching. Perhaps they are, maybe they are not. The fact of the matter is, I post here because it is anonymous and I post to sort things out in my head. I really don’t care for whining, or carrying on about things past – but sometimes you have to purge, sometimes you have to vent and work through things to be able to let things go.

This is my place to do it…

Continue reading

Seadragons Move Gracefully Through The Ocean…

…Or, lessons that humans failed to learn.

A few days ago, someone said something to me that crept back into my thoughts today. I mentioned someone who is a friend of that person’s, who used to be a friend of mine. She, (the friend in common), said she thinks the person (former friend) was a victim of spousal abuse, of sorts. I will concede his partner is a bit… perhaps that may be true considering the woman that is his partner.

I thought about this conversation again today. It’s funny what brought it up… I was listening to 80’s music – A obscure female-lead group at that, which made me think of the person in question (the former friend), when the comment the friend in common said about him came to mind.

Continue reading

Beware The Ides Of March…

…And a sobering look at at many of the “friendships” I have had.

It occurs to me I am really over tolerant and very forgiving in the way I deal with people. Perhaps, it is because I am strong and I can handle more or perhaps it is because I need less (in terms of ego, moral support).  I have healthy confidence and respect for myself and I have long been able to take more punches than I should have – and I do this in a sense of kindness, a form of giving; if I can take more, if I can let people feel they have won or give them what ever emotional support they need… because I don’t need the validation…

…EXCEPT, sometimes, I do. And I deserve it. It can’t all be one sided. To be very honest, for far too long many of my relationships HAVE been too one-sided and NOT in my favor.

People do not like it when you stand up for yourself.

What follows is a conversation that happened today and it refers to something I wrote about a bit ago.

Continue reading

The Beautiful Weeds…

…Or the places roses grow.

I do call roses “weeds”but not necessarily in a bad way. You see, roses are very hardy, hard to kill and they will grow virtually anywhere, with very little care and sometimes in extraordinary circumstances. However, people love roses and they are considered perhaps the most beautiful of the flowers and stand for romance and friendship and so many other wonderful things. But really, a weed is just any plant growing somewhere it isn’t wanted.

It occurs to me, I have to write here more than once a month. It isn’t for lack of want or things to say… I don’t know why I neglect this, I like this space to share…

Continue reading