Breathe in…

…breathe out.

I have had a bit of a hard time lately. Too many little things niggling at the whole. These periods are awful. They sort of really suck! No other way to put it. However, I know we must go through them; for it is the darkness that makes the light shine brighter and the good amplified.

There has been some “major” in the bad, but I know these too things shall pass. I suppose some people might say “very major”, but I tend to compartmentalize. It isn’t that I am unaffected, it is just more so that I try to break things down and make them manageable, so as not to buckle under the gravity of them. I guess I take that phrase literally of “don’t sweat the small stuff” and indeed, it is all “small stuff” in the end. Even things that seem to drag on the longest, even an incomprehensible amount of time, are small things, gone in the blink of an eye, certainly in a cosmic sense. We are a moment on a clock that’s keeping a record of “time” we can’t comprehend the span of.

Perhaps we create a ripple in the pond. When something happens that pulls us down, makes us hurt or sad and we allow ourselves open to that negative emotion, perhaps it is then when other things have an opening to come in. It is hardest at those moments to keep moral, keep above water for air and not get pulled under again. Maybe that’s why we say bad things happen at once, come in threes. There’s a gap, like a universal crack, there the bad can sneak in.

I guess we should learn to quickly close the gaps, though it isn’t always easy.

We draw in the energy we put out, perhaps.

We just have to remember to recognize the pattern and change it when we see the cycle beginning.

(Words, are always, easier said than actions actually done).

…There’s always tomorrow, right?

To Forgive and Forget?

….Maybe.

Many years ago, someone told me I was unforgiving.

I am not unforgiving. In fact, if you know me you know I am very patient and tolerant and forgive more than I should.

The truth is, while I may heal, I don’t forget the wound existed. I can and do forgive acts perpetrated against me (even the malicious kind), quite easily and readily.

However, just because I forgive a situation, person or act doesn’t mean I am going to turn around like it never happened.
I forgive for *myself*, so I can walk in peace… NOT for the other person to have a clear conscious.

I can move past people, and if you’ve broken my trust I simply do not want to take the time to mend the bridge. Basically, I don’t wish you ill, nor well. You become something that just *is*, like emotional stasis.

Life is too short to worry about the hurts of the past or dwell on attempting to undo them (a futile task anyway).

Looking back, I think the person who told me I was unforgiving was doing so in a sort of manipulation: so I would just unquestionably accept bad acts. Because after something fairly major and damaging happened, I accepted the apology but I did not want to pick up where we left off (so because I didn’t resume the relationship as if nothing had happened, I was *unforgiving*) – That’s not how forgiveness works. I *can* forgive you AND not want to go back. It’s like that old saying; fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me.
I was just ready to be done, lesson learned.

*I am sorry* isn’t a magic eraser. (Clearly, I am not talking about small situations like “you took my pen without asking”. I am referring to the big kind, the sort that tear people apart and the sort that ruin reputations, or both). *I am sorry* is like putting polysporin on a cut; it doesn’t close the wound, but it may help it heal a bit.